CHANGING “WHY” TO “WHAT” OR “WHAT IF”

When we use “What or What If” instead of “Why” we can create a different perspective and “Outcome” also change our “Sensory Experience” to a scenario we encounter, which may not have a great “Outcome” when we stay stuck in the “Why”.

Life can be very challenging when going through “Resistant Changes” so using this method will help the emotional state considerably.

N.B: Seventeenth-century philosopher Benedict de Spinoza observed that “an emotion”, which is a passion, ceases to be a passion as soon as we form a clear and distinct idea.......

“The emotion” becomes more under our control, and the mind is less passive in respect to it”........ A process to consider moving forward: Change “Why” to “What or What If”.......

Here is a scenario used for a potential “Relationship Conflict”: Consider for a moment you’re feeling sad after a relationship dispute.

Asking “Why” do I feel this way? is likely to elicit unhelpful/undesired answers and providing compounded feelings/emotions, so an example could be: “Why” do you never listen to me? Will most likely generate frustrations or anger for one or both parties and compound an undesired state as mentioned above: frustration or anger.

“What or What If”:
“What” can we do together whereby you can reassure me you have listened to me........
“What if” we find a way to move forward together amicably so this will show me you are listening.......

“What If” we discuss how reassurance/action can be provided so that you understand what I am asking.......

Another “What if” scenario:

“What if” you ask? ....... What” am I feeling right now?

You may evaluate and realise that you’re actually overwhelmed with other life events/experiences such as other commitments, overworked, house chores or family tasks or be experiencing: exhaustion, tiredness, sadness or vulnerability!

Rather than subliminally reacting to the feelings that the “Why” creates, take a step back, refocus and decide to implement a positive, so for instance try to “Dissociate” for a short period of time to allow your emotions and thoughts to reach a calmer place so for example:

1. Make yourself a drink
2. Go out for food
3. Go for a walk
4. Meet/call a friend for some advice.
5. Read a book.

Try to find ways such as strategies/techniques to manage the stress/anxiety, emotions, whilst you move forward to the next process of a plan, for example:

1. Go to bed early
2. Practice a new skill like Breath Work, Meditation, Yoga, Mindfulness, Pilates or other.

Each one will assist you positively and not disable you whereby you feel “Overload leading to Overwhelm” which results in confusion, frustration and become reactive from the angst created from the undesired thought process.

By practicing the above suggestions your thoughts and attention become refocused allowing your physical body to become calm and relaxed allowing you to become central to you rather than external to you.

This will allow clarity of thought and aid the “What or What If” positively.

Consider this: How are your thoughts aiding you “Right Now”?
Change the “Why” to “What/What If” ........ “What” questions, help us understand ourselves.

Asking “What” instead of “Why” forces us to acknowledge and name our emotions, a process that research has shown to be effective. The process of translating our emotions into language rather than experiencing them (so changing the sensory experience) can stop our brains from activating our amygdala, the fight-or-flight command part of our brain which in turn helps us stay in control and centred to ourselves.

Task: try naming your feelings for a week and see what you notice. (N.B “Why” is important when problem solving) Be mindful when you need to be in problem solving and solution finding of past issues to “move forward” or for solution finding for closure.

(Be “Clear” if the need is in “decision making for future change or resolve of past events to allow growth moving forward”).

This post assists the understanding and benefits of changing how we communicate with ourselves but also incorporates awareness to “The Representational System” meaning our “Sensory Experience/Language” experienced or used during a challenging situation.

By being “Mindful” of these techniques we can create more beneficial ways to manage our “Responses and Outcomes”. This blog will only help if it is applied and practiced.

© Beverly Power 14.04.2019